P xV^ %S 




Price 25 Cts. 



When 

Paw-Paw County 

Went Dry 

By Ticknor C. Williams 




A thrilling drama of 
action, argument, ban- 
ners, songs, procession 
and love, depicting how 
the "drys" won for 
temperance in a rural 
county against great 
odds. It contains stir- 
ring speeches, dramatic 
situations and lots of 
fun, in which a "goat" 
and a boy's "detective 
dog" figure. A drama 
true to life in every line 
and a powerful argu- 
ment for temperance 
when given in an hour's 
entertainment. Eight 
males, three females. 
One hour and a half. 



Copyright, 1911, 
By March Brothers. 

MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 
208, 210, 212 Wright Ave., Lebanon, O. 




No Entertainments Exchanged. 
No Entertainments sent on selection or subject to return. 



An Anti=Saloon Play 
A Washington Song 
A Book of Dialogs 



ARCHIBALD HUMBOLDT 

We publish no more important items than these. 
They are too new for our catalog. 

tfte Saloon must 60 

An anti-saloon play. A powerful arraignment 
of the saloon, made into a most engaging dialog, 
with enough plot to carry it along. A terrific 
bombardment of hot shot, embracing facts, com- 
parisons, logic, song and story. More effective 
than a dozen addresses. Should be used in every 
saloon fight, and made a part of every church and 
school entertainment. For high school pupils or 
other young folks. Two males, three females ; 
Three-quarter hour. 15 cents. 



the Song of tbe Ratchet 

A humorous song for Washington's Birthday. 
It recounts the story and cites a parallel, also 
humorously points a moral. The range is suited 
to children's voices; the music is most pleasing. A 
climax for every Washington program. 25 cents. 



School Plays for festive Days 

More than a score of the richest, spiciest origi- 
nal dialogs for all grades, from primary to high 
school, and for mixed grades. Some are instruct- 
ive, some are ethical, most are humorous, all are 
practical, and every one is a winner. No cos- 
tumes, stage settings or scenery required. Can 
be given on any stage with the best results. No 
other collection of plays so good, so practical, so 
enjoyable. 80 cents. 

MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers, 
208, 210, 212 Wright Ave., - Lebanon, Ohio 



Wh 


en 


Paw-Paw 


County 


Went 


Dry 


By 




Ticknor C. 


Williams 


MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 


208, 210, 212 WRIGHT AVE., LEBANON, OHIO 



COPYEIGHT, 1911, 
BY 

Maech Beothees. 






CCLD 25278 



CAST OF CHARACTERS 



Jonathan Hardin, a school teacher. 

Tobe Harris, a farmer. 

Anson Shifty, a lawyer. 

Zepheniah Battle, an old soldier who "carried 

the colors." 
Hans Hauptmann, a German farmer. 
Tim Sullivan, a saloon keeper. 
Mike Caston, "for Pers'nal Liberty," who 

"never makes no hog of himself." 
Ralph Caston, Mike's son. 
Pete McKim, Mike's pal. 
Josh Williams, a farmer. 
Jamie Williams, Josh's son, and Jamie's " 'Tec- 

tive dog." 
Jack Bone, Jamie's boy friend. 
Sarah Williams, Josh's wife. 
Mrs. Amanda Morgan, widow, who manages 

her own farm. 

Julia Stoneman, her niece. 

A boy representing a goat, and bleating, 
"T-a-a-x-e-s!" 

A procession and chorus with banners. 



When Paw- Paw County 
Went Dry 



ACT I. 



Scene I. — A roadway at "Cropper's Corners" 
near Josh Williams' house. Enter Jamie leading 
dog and talking to him. Pats him and puts his 
arms around dog's neck. 

Jamie. Now, "Anti," don't you cry any more. 
I know it hurt. It's a shame ! To think a big 
man like Tim Sullivan the saloon keeper ud hit 
you on the head with a club and make you howl 
for only waggin' your tail and lookin' up at him. 
And then you ran away from the saloon and 
came and rubbed your nose against my shins. 
But that's all over now, and I'm goin' t' 'dopt 
you and name you and call you "Anti-Saloon;" 
yes, I am. And I'll get a box for you to sleep in 
and set it near the door so's I can get to you 
easy if anything goes wrong with you in the 
night; and I'll feed you the leavin's from the 
table — chicken-bones and sich things uz that; 
and then I'll train you to follow the scent like 

5 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

them 'tective dogs I was hearin' about. Won't 
we have lots o' fun tho' Anti? (Embraces 
dog.) (Enter Josh Williams.) 

Josh Williams. What er you doin' with that 
dog here, Jamie? Aint I told you not to bring 
no more o' them hungry curs home? Let him 
go. (To the dog.) Git out. (But Jamie holds 
to the dog.) 

(Enter Sarah Williams.) 

Sarah Williams. Now, Josh, you're everlastin' 
crossin' that boy. What's he done now? 

Josh. Why, he wants to keep that measly 
pup. 

Sarah. And why not ?. I saw the whole thing. 
The saloon keeper struck the dog so that he 
howled with pain — the poor thing — and ran to 
Jamie for protection. But that saloon keeper's 
chickens is sure "to come home to roost" fer 
clubbin' that poor dog. You just remember what 

1 tell you. It was pitiful to see the brute rub 
against the little fellow's shins, and the boy 
cryin' in sympathy. That dog's affection means 
more to the boy than you think. You don't 
seem to know how lonely Jamie is since our 
Harry died. (Josh turns away and wells up. 
Jamie embraces the dog.) (Enter Pete and 
Mike.) You men don't seem to know what 
affection is, anyway. The boy's just dyin' for 
somethin' to love. 

(Exit Josh and Sarah at R.) 
Pete. (Looking at boy and dog.) Yep, there 
it goes again; women bossin' everythin'. So 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 7 

your mammy lets you keep the dog, sonny, and 
your daddy ain't got nerve enough to kick him 
out, eh? But Tim, the saloon keeper, knows 
what to do with the brute when he comes nosin' 
'round his back screen door. Didn't old Tim hit 
him a jolt, tho', Mike? But I guess the women's 
goin' to run this country by and by, if things 
keep a-goin' like they hez bin lately. (Cheering 
heard.) Here they're comin' now, Mike. Look 
at the fools, a-carryin' banners and a-singin' 
hymns ! 

(Mrs. Morgan and Julia enter with proces- 
sion singing the chorus to "Vote Dry, Then!")* 

Chorus — 

Hurrah, hurrah ! For men and banner, too ! 

Defend the right and battle for the true ! 

The people are determined saloons shall be put down. 

Who'll down them? Our country's temp'rance voters. 

1. From every state there comes the cry : "Saloons 

must be put down." 

From prairie wide and mountain high, from country- 
side and town. 

The people are determined that John Barleycorn 
must go. 

Who'll start him? Our country's loyal voters. 

2. "Saloons debauch our politics," we hear the people 

say. 
"Corrupt our legislation and cause the law's delay." 



* Part of this song may be omitted, if desired. Copies 
of song with music may be had of March Brothers, 
Lebanon, Ohio, at 25 cents a copy. 



o WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

Our flag that floats for freedom, shall we let them 

pull it down? 
Defend it, ye loyal temp' ranee voters ! 

(Chorus.) 

3. We hear the widows weeping, we see the children's 

tears. 
We know their pain and sorrow, we know their 

awful fears. 
Then why should we bear longer, men, the curse 

that caused them all? 
Who'll stop it? Our country's temp'rance voters. 

(Chorus ', if desired.) 

4. What gang is solid for them, this blight upon our 

land? 
The brewers, the distillers, the gamblers, the Black 

Hand; 
Dishonest politicians, and the anarchists' red flag. 
Now down them, ye loyal temp'rance voters ! 

(Chorus.) 

(Procession goes out at L. singing Chorus.) 
Shifty. Yes, this singing is all right ; but these 
women and children can't vote ; and they'd better 
be home tending to their business. I'm in favor 
of high license to lower our^ taxes. Eh, pedagog, 
what do you think about it? 

Hardin. And I'm not. Instead of lowering 
taxes the saloon raises taxes and adds other bur- 
dens to the county besides. The twenty-two 
saloons in Paw-Paw County take in about 
$10,000 apiece each year — or $220,000 in all — 
most of which is lost to the county. And for 
every dollar a man wastes for liquor he wastes 
a dollar in time loafing and loitering about the 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. V 

saloon — I mean, of course, on an average — an- 
other dollar he wastes "getting" over it, and then 
another dollar's worth of time is lost by the 
family in waiting and caring for him. That's 
four dollars ! And, too, he loses a dollar's profit 
on his labor ; and the loss from neglect of busi- 
ness, crops, live stock, and from personal injuries 
would surely make another dollar. There's six 
dollars lost for every dollar's worth of liquor 
sold ! Multiply this yourself. Six times $220,- 
000 is $1,320,000! Nearly a million and a half. 
And what does the saloon pay back to the 
county for all this? Only a little over $4,000! 
Think of it! As a business proposition, would 
you accept $4,000 for $220,000 and allow a man 
to injure you to the extent of five times that 
much besides? And yet we hear this talk about 
saloons saving taxes ! 

(Goat walks in front of stage bleating, 
"T-a-x-e-s ? T-a-x-e-s !" ) ( Laughter. ) 

Even the goat laughs at the joke of the saloon 
saving taxes ! Yes, the liquor interests are wily 
fishermen. They offer you $4,000 as a worm 
on their hook and they are fishing for that 
$220,000 in hard cash. They expect the county 
to bear the loss of the balance of the million dol- 
lars without complaint, and then they make you 
keep up the poorhouse, the criminal courts, the 
jails, and support the families of the drunkards 
in the townships besides ! That's the way they 
fish! Are you their sucker? If not, vote dry! 

Shifty. Where did you get those figures ? 



10 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

Hardin. From the courthouse. And the es- 
timates of the losses suffered from the saloon 
are based upon the opinions of thoughtful cit- 
izens throughout the county who have been 
studying this question right at home. 

Josh. "Figures won't lie," Shifty, as the 
sayin' is. 

Hardin. But even if they did lie — even if 
the saloon caused no losses — would you be bribed 
to do your neighbor harm by taxes? 

Shifty. How does taxes bribe anybody? 

Hardin. In this way. The total amount of 
tax paid in Paw-Paw County last year was 
$220,000; and the amount of license paid by 
the saloons to the county was $4,000. Now 
this saloon license money when distributed 
among the taxpayers amounts to only two cents 
on every dollar of tax. Isn't that right? So 
that if a man pays $1 in tax he saves two cents 
by having the saloon license. You say to the 
saloon keeper: "You go up to the courthouse 
and pay two cents on every dollar of my tax, 
and I'll vote wet." Isn't that a bribe? What's 
the difference? Are you a two-cent man? I 
wouldn't sell out so cheap ! 

Josh. "That's a-goin' some" as the sayin' is. 

(Goat walks in front of stage bleating, 
"T-a-x-e-s, T-a-x-e-s!") 

Shifty. But putting out the saloons won't 
stop all this. 

Hardin. It will stop the most of it. 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 



11 



Shifty. But here comes Hans. (Enter 
Hans.) He's a wet man, you bet. I never saw 
a good German who wasn't. (Pats Hans on 
the back, confidently.) Well, Germany, you 
don't believe we've got a right to vote out the 
saloon — to vote out our neighbor's business, do 

you? 

Hans. (Surprised.) You call dot von piz~ 
ness? A pizness, shuunks ! All dey've got vas 
two kegs, von blank to sit on and a blace fer der 
drunks ter puke; and all der time a causin' 
drubble, drubble, drubble. You call dot von 
pizness? A pizness, shuunks! 

(Laughter from "drys.") 

Mike. Come off, Dutch, you don't know 
what you're talkin' about. 

Pete. I don' believe in anybody a-tellin' me 
what shall I eat and drink. I'm fur Pers'nal 
Liberty. 

Hardin. So am I for Personal Liberty. 

Mike. Whoopee ! He's comin' 'round on our 

side. 

Hardin. Not by any means, Mike. I believe 
in Personal Liberty; but not in personal license. 
I have seen you break stone on the roads. You 
have the liberty to raise your hammer to break 
stone, but not 'the license to bring it down on 
your neighbor's head. No one has a right to 
conduct a business which will injure another. 
The saloon breaks the heads and it breaks the 
hearts of our fellowmen. 

Shifty. Aw, that's all sentiment, all woman- 
talk ! 



12 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

Mike. Shure, it is! 
. Pete. All bosh! 

Shifty. I don' believe in a man that is a 
man going around tied to a woman's apron 
string. (Laughter from wets.) 

Hardin. And I don't believe in a man that 
is a man standing tied to a saloon keeper's beer 
pump. (Laughter from "drys.") 

Mike. Listen to the guy! (Pete approaches 
Hardin angrily.) 

Pete. He never seen a beer pump! (Sug- 
gests something to Mike.) 

Hardin. Now, as you know, I tried to keep 
out of this argument. But you forced me into 
it. However, I see it is useless; "for a man 
convinced against his will is of the same opin- 
ion still." 

Pete. Listen to the buy, a-quotin' Scriptur' 
already ! 

Mike. Let's rush him now? 

Pete. And "do him up!" 

(Pete and Mike start at Hardin, shove him, 
strike at him, etc. But Zeph. takes a hand and 
deals them blows with his crutch.) 

Zeph. No you don't; this yere's a country 
of free speech. I ain't a sayin' that I'm a dry 
man ; but this yere young feller's got a right 
to be heerd. (Deals Pete a blow. Pete re- 
treats, feels his arm.) Cut it out! Youse fel- 
lers nagged him to answer your argufyin', and 
he's a knockin' the spots off of yer, and so yer 
wants to stop him by foulin' him under the 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 13 

belt. (General scrap.) ' (Zeph. remains victor 
of the field and is proud of it.) Nothing like 
that goes. (Out of breath.) Yer don't come 
any sich shinannigin' while old Zeph. what car- 
ried the colors up Mission Ridge is yere ter 
brain yer wid his crutch. No, siree ! Fair 
play's the thing. Pers'nal Liberty to every fel- 
ler to argify as he pleases. Hot zickety! I'm 
fer Pers'nal Liberty! 

(Walks as victor proudly in front of stage.) 

Shifty. That's what I don't like about this 
here temperance agitation. It makes enemies. 

Hardin. Enemies indeed ! Did you ever 
know any good cause that didn't make enemies? 
The man that fights a burglar makes an enemy 
of the thief to protect his home. And why 
should we fear to make an enemy of the sa- 
loon which threatens the peace of the whole 
community ? 

Zeph. (Getting excited.) Hot zickety! 
That's the way to shoot it into 'em ! 

(Zeph. looks proud, struts some, and passes 
near Mike. Mike blinks his eyes in fear of 
Zeph's crutch.) 

Mike. I ain't a-goin' to stay if Zeph. Bat- 
tle's a-goin' ter start a "rough house." 

Zeph. I ain't a startirf no rough house. I 
was only a stoppin' one. 

(All exeunt except Hardin and Zeph.) 

Hardin. (Laughing and putting his arm on 
shoulder of Zeph. and shaking his hand.) Well, 
Zeph, I want to thank you. You surely "shoul- 



14 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

dered your crutch and showed how fields were 
won." Those fellows would have injured me 
if your crutch hadn't interfered. 

Zeph. It did come pretty handy, didn't it? 
Tell ye, pedagog, them wets ain't in it wid ye 
when it comes to argufy in'. Ye had 'em shot 
all to pieces afore they even got loaded up. I 
want to tell ye, I'm wid ye. I'm wid ye, I 
say, 'cause I never heerd it put so strong. And 
I'm a-goin' to stay wid ye. And when old Zeph. 
Battle what carried the colors up Mission Ridge 
says a thing, you bet it's true. I'm wid ye! 

Hardin. Shake, Zeph! That's the way to 
talk ! We'll be comrades in this campaign. 
Forty men with the soldier spirit like you if 
they made up their minds to put out the sa- 
loons would run them to the tall timber in forty 
days. Wrong is always cowardly. And the right 
ought to make a man brave ; for you know : 
"Thrice is he armed that hath his quarrel just, 
and he but naked, though locked up in steel, 
whose quarrel with injustice is corrupted." All 
the saloons want is a man's money ; and they 
care little what misery they cause a man or • 
his family to get it. 

Zeph. Most people's a-feerd to jine agin 'em, 
a-feerd o' losin' somepin'. I ain't, though. 
(Nods his head emphatically.) 

Hardin. That's it exactly. And what are 
they afraid of? When these people who are 
so scared see how strong the Anti-Saloon people 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 15 

are they will fall in with us like a flock of 
sheep. 

Zeph. "Right you are." 

(Exit Zeph. at R. Enter Julia at L.) 

Julia. Oh, Mr. Hardin, I was afraid those 
men would kill you. And — we — ah — need such 
men as you so much. 

Hardin. I'm not hurt a bit. (Laughing.) 
And Julia-uh-ah-Miss Stoneman, Zeph. Battle 
and his crutch were a host in themselves, 
weren't they? As good as Napoleon's artil- 
lery! 

Julia. But Mr. Hardin, Aunt Amanda — Mrs. 
Morgan — sent me back to invite you to come to 
the Red Rock School House to-night to an 
Anti-Saloon rally. If Mr. Tobias Harris will 
come, bring him also. For we would like to 
get some representative citizens to attend the 
meeting and take part, too, if they will. 

Hardin. I thank you, Julia-ah, u-Miss Stone- 
man (smiles confusedly). I will try to get him 
to come. (Julia starts; but returns a little em- 
barrassed.) 

Julia (returning). And I almost forgot. She 
said to invite you both to tea this evening be- 
fore the meeting. 

Hardin. That will be a rare treat. You're 
sure of two men at least in sympathy with the 
cause ; for you know the old saying : "The way 
to a man's heart is thru' his stomach." 

Julia. We'll expect you, then. Good-bye ! 



16 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

Hardin. Good-bye! (Exit Julia at L.) Well, 
that's something else. "The way to a man's 
heart." I ought not to have said that. All she 
wants is our heads in the temperance cause, 
not our hearts, for anything. But I begin to 
suspect she might get both of mine. How 
bewitching she looked ! And what control she 
has over those children ! She can set an extra 
place for me whether "Mr. Tobias Harris" goes 
or not. (Repeating.) "Mr. Tobias Harris." 
That's a good one on Tobe. I'll have to tell 
him. 

(Enter Tobe Harris at R.) 

Tobe. Well, Hardin, you're right about this 
liquor business, and I've made up my mind to 
vote diy. Just think of it, for a man that's 
always been used to a little nip o' snake-bite 
medicine every time he goes a-fishin'. Ain't I 
reformed, though! 

Hardin. Shake, Tobe? I'm glad to hear of 
it; but what converted you? 

Tobe. Well, you see I hired Mike Caston 
to take in a load of corn to town. He went 
with it; but he got. drunk, and the team ran 
away coming home. My big gray colt ran into 
a barbwire fence, and he cut himself up so he 
had to be killed. $200 gone ! Well, as you 
was a-sayin' that 'd pay some taxes, too! 

Hardin. Well, Tobe, I'm very sorry. That 
was a strapping fine colt and a "single liner," 
too. But you'll have to take off those harvest 
togs and "spruce up" a bit. 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 17 

Tobe. Not if I know myself. I'm goin' 
fishin' down to Coffeen's dam. 

Hardin. But Miss Julia Stoneman was just 
here, and she said that her aunt, Mrs. Amanda 
Morgan desired "Mr. Tobias Harris" and my- 
self to come to supper at her home to-night 
and then go with them afterwards to the Tem- 
perance Rally at the Red Rock School House. 

Tobe. (Proudly.) "Mr. Tobias Harris!" 
Why, that must be the long f er "Tobe !" That's 
me! (Slowly and with emphasis.) Well, then 
Hardin, I ain't a-goin' a-nshin'. (Looks at his 
clothes.) And Hardin, I will have to "spruce 
up" a bit. These glad rags do look a little 
weathered. Say, Hardin, what else did the 
widder want said to me? 

Hardin. Nothing. (Smiling knowingly at 
Tobe's interest.) She's keeping the rest to say 
to you herself. 

Tobe. Let her say! Ain't she a pippin, tho', 
Hardin ? 

Hardin. She is indeed. But I believe you 
are going to have something to say to her soon; 
eh, Tobe? 

Tobe. Never you mind. Now then "Mr. 
Tobias Harris" will have to get his best duds 
on fer the occasion. (Stretching his mouth to 
pronounce his name.) "Mr. Tobias Harris!" 
My, that's a jaw-breaker! (Straightens him- 
self up proudly and strokes his chest.) "Mr. 
Tobias Harris !" 



18 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

Hardin. (Laughing.) He must be a very 
important personage. But good luck, "Tobias." 
And here comes that oily snake-in-the-grass 
Shifty. I'll be going. I'll meet you here ''To- 
bias" at six o'clock. 

(Enter Shifty at R.) 

Shifty. Well, Tobe, how d'ye think the elec- 
tion's going? 

Tobe. Don't know. It couldn't go much 
wetter than it is already. 

Shifty (confidently). That's it. She's goin' 
wet sure. Yes, so many of these dry fellows 
have sold out to the wets. About 400, they say. 
(Looks about cautiously.) Say, Tobe, we've 
always been good friends. And I don't want 
to miss anybody what's next to me. How much 
will it take to make one more wet vote? 

Tobe. How much are you payin'? 
, Shifty (eagerly). Fer your vote there's a 
ten-spot right now, and most of them have cost 
me only two. Are you in? (Exhibiting roll 
of bills.) 

Tobe. (Growing enraged.) Am I in? What 
was I born the son of Josiah Harris for; why 
did my great grandfather fight in the Revolu- 
tion against tyranny and my father against 
slavery if they put no more honor in my blood 
than to sell my vote to the saloons for ten 
dollars ? 

Shifty. But it's easy money, Mr. Harris! 

Tobe. "Mr. Harris," eh! I'll "Mr. Harris" 
yuh. Get off this earth. (Starts for him.) 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 19 

You hound o' hell, afore I mash your petty- 
foggin' nose into your brass cheek! Make 
tracks, you scoundrel, and mighty quick, too ! 
(Shifty exits at R.) See the rascal git! If 
every dollar was a gold mine the villain couldn't 
make me fergit the words of that good old 
Mother who used to say: "Life every man 
holds dear ; but the dear man holds honor far 
more precious dear than life." 

(Enter Hans laughing at R.) 

(Speaking slowly.) 

Hans. Eh, Tobe, vat vas de matter mit dot 
Schifty runnin' like dot Schamy's dog vas after 
him already? I axed him: "Schifty, vy not 
valk schlow?" Schifty, he said, he must kotch 
de train yet. Och, he vas von pig fraud, dot 
Schifty vas, ain't it, Tobe?" 

Tobe. Yes, he is a rascal ; but I will tell you 
later why he ran so fast. I must go now. 
(Exit at L.) 

Hans. Dot Schifty runnin' so fast! I bet 
Tobe skeert him a leedle ! 

(Exit at L. laughing.) 

(Enter Tim and Pete at R.) 

Tim. Yep, youse fellers, if you wants a de- 
cent place to come to o' nights hez got ter git 
busy and stop this yere infernal shootin' off 
about saloons. The women and crazy men ez 
all takin' it up, and some of our fellers ez 
jinin' the band o' Anti-Saloon people. There's 
Zeph. Battle a gittin' out and a blowin' his 
bazoo for temp'rance, and 'taint been two weeks 
sence I tuk him out o' the back room in my 



20 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

place and he'ped him home dead drunk. That's 
thanks fer my pains, ain't it? Peers like the 
more we fellers does fer sich people the more 
they turns agin us. 

Pete. And Josh Williams, they say, is dead 
agin us, too. 

Tim. Yep, Josh ain't a-sayin' much. When 
Zeph. asked him how the election wuz a-goin' 
Josh said, "I ain't a sayin' a word, boys, I 
ain't a sayin' a word." 

Pete. But old Josh kin do a heap o' 'lection- 
eerin' when he wants to. Lots o' people's sayin' 
she'*s goin' dry, Tim? 

Tim. You needn't worry 'bout it's ever goin' 
dry. Wilson, the brewer's agent — the feller 
what dresses so fine and wears diamond rings 
and shirt studs — was up yere and he left the 
coin with the right people to pass around fer 
dry votes. There's four hundred "fixed" al- 
ready. See ? 

Pete. That'll do her. 

Tim. But suthin' else hez got to be done. 
Suthin' to skeer 'em. I ain't a sayin' as about 
killin' and burnin'. But suthin's got to be 
done ter skeer 'em right. Some people's gittin' 
too fresh 'bout us Pers'nal Liberty fellers, 
workin' their jaws too much agin' saloons. 

Pete. That's right, Tim. The thing ter do 
is ter knock a few o' 'em down er burn 'em 
out. That there'll stop 'em. 

Tim. Why not Widder Morgan's barn? She's 
bossin' the job agin us. And they's nobody 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 21 

there — no men folks — ter take her part. And 
that there young upstart Hardin, let's git him. 
Say, Pete, she's all mapped out if a match 
and coil ile '11 do her. 

Pete. Well, Tim, I never go back on my 
friends. 

(Enter Mike at R., staggering. Hans fol- 
lowing him. Mike falls.) 

Hans. (Ironically.) Vy, vat vas de matter 
mit Mikeel? 

Tim. Aw, go on, Germany. 

Hans. Vy, vat vas de matter? Mikeel, he 
neffer makes von hog mit himself. No, no ; not 
von hog. He makes der whole schtock yards! 
(Laughs.) Dot fine pizness, Tim's saloon! 
Dot's a fine pizness ! A pizness, skunks. 

Tim. Look a yere, Germany, now don't 
make fun of a man when he's down. 

Hans. Vel, you put him down ; vy don't 
you got him up? You vas so vet mit him, 
too ! Be goot friends mit him ! No, he "neffer 
makes von hog mit himself !" No, dot's a fine 
pizness ! A pizness, skunks ! 

(Tim and Pete pick Mike up and go out 
with him at L.) 

(Enter Jamie, Jack and dog at R. while they 
are picking Mike up.) 

Hans. Dot's right, pick him up. He's so 
schleepy, Mikeel vas so schleepy ! 

(Exit Hans at R.) 

Jack. Jamie, I wonder what do men evir get 
drunk for? 



22 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

Jamie. (Musing on Mike's condition.) I 
don't know, 'les' it's so's they can puke and see 
snakes and then go home and beat their wives, 
their children and their dogs. That's what Zip 
McCoy does, anyway. (Turns to dog and 
caresses him.) They won't beat you any more, 
though, will they "Anti." Now "Anti" you fol- 
lowed that cattle scent mighty well. That's a 
good doggie. (Caresses him.) Jack, let "Anti" 
get a sniff of your shoes and then run off and 
hide ; and we'll see if he can find you out by 
the scent. Hurry up. (Jack rubs his shoes 
against the dog's nose and goes out.) Now, 
"Anti," he's hid; take the scent and find him. 
(Exeunt at R.) (Sounds of "Vote Dry, Then" 
are heard as Jamie and dog go out. Enter 
procession, with Mrs. Morgan and Julia, sing- 
ing chorus of "Vote Dry, Then.) (Zeph., 
Josh, Tobe and Hardin enter, following them, 
at L.) 

Chorus — 

Hurrah, hurrah! For men and banner, too! 
Defend the right and battle for the true ! 
The people are determined saloons shall be put down. 
Who'll down them? Our country's temp' ranee voters. 

5. They prate of "Pers'nal Liberty" and "Taxes," as 
you know. 
But liquor runs up taxes to pay for liquor's woe. 
And who has any liberty to cause another's pain? 
Then oust them, ye loyal temp'rance voters ! 

(Chorus ad libitum.) 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 23 

6. Saloons are but the shelters of lawlessness and 

crime. 
Assassins of two presidents they sheltered in our 

time. 
And shall they shelter longer all the enemies of 

peace? 
Then down them, ye loyal temp'rance voters! 

(Chorus ad libitum.) 

7. "You've got no right to stop us," is their defiant 

cry. 
"Our's is a legal business ; our rights you can't 

deny !" 
But "We, the people," make the laws, our ballots 

are what count. 
Vote dry, then, ye loyal temp'rance voters ! 

(Chorus ad libitum.) 

8. Columbia fears no foes without; but ah, the foes 

within ! 
They fight the institutions that our fathers fought 

to win. 
Shall churches, homes and schools be threatened 

longer by saloons? 
Vote dry, then, ye loyal temp'rance voters ! 

(Chorus.) 

(Exit procession at L. with Mrs. M. and 
Julia.) 

(Enter Mike and Pete at R.) 

Zeph. That ere tune hez got a "go" to it 
like the tunes in the army when I carried the 
colors up Mission Ridge. Them wuz tunes. 
They'd make your blood bile, Josh, like the 
water in the tea kittle. 

Josh. And they kin say what they please 
about women runnin' things jes' because they 



24 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

git up a percession. But when I seed the 
widder and the two gals o' Jack Kimbrough in 
that parade and remembered how they killed 
him in cold blood in a fight in Tim's saloon it 
purt' nigh made the draps come to my cheeks. 
And the widder's back bent a-washin' clothes 
and one o' the gals tuk out o' school to hep 
her. 

Zeph. Well, Josh, d'ye think the 'lection's 
goin' dry? 

Josh. I ain't a-sayin' a word, Zeph., I ain't 
a-sayin' a word. 

Shifty. (Looking after procession.) That's 
a pretty sight, ain't it? The idea of a lot of 
sissy men running around joining a lot of fool 
women fighting the liquor interests ! ( Comes 
forward toward Hardin as he finishes.) A man 
that is a man won't do it. 

Hardin. Oh, I don't know, Shifty. George 
Washington wasn't any sissy — any coward. 
And he fought against liquor in the patriot 
army with all his might. The British redcoats 
soon found what kind of stuff there was in 
him. 

Zeph. That's right. George Washington 
was a nat'ral born soldier. (Proud of being a 
soldier himself to claim comradeship with 
Washington.) 

Shifty. Well that's only one of them. 

Hardin. And Abe Lincoln was something of 
a man, too ; and he discouraged the use of 
liquor wherever he could. He said that many 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 25 

a good man had had his feet tangled up by 
using that "miserable stuff." 

Zeph. "Three cheers fer 'Father Abra- 
ham!'" Hurrah fer the "Rail-splitter !" Them's 
the kind o' men to talk about ! 

Shifty. But times have changed. Those are 
all old fellows. 

Hardin. How about Gen'l. Fred Grant, 
then? He led the Anti-Saloon procession in 
Chicago the other day, and he said that liquor 
was doing Uncle Sam's army and the coun- 
try mo e harm than anything else. He said, 
too, that he himself had tried to be a moderate 
drinker ; but had found it impossible. He must 
never touch the stuff if he wanted to be a man. 

Shifty. Well, I don't believe it. 

Zeph. What, don't believe General Grant's 
son ! Well, when his daddy used to tell us boys 
a thing was so, it was so, you bet your lite. 
And I guess his son's jes' a chip off the old 
block. You kin never git a feller what carried 
the colors o' the old Seventy-ninth up Mission 
Ridge to doubt a Grant ! 

Josh. I don't know anything about this army 
question, men; but I kin show you what liquor 
is doin' right around here. There's Zeke Stone. 
His three hands got drunk after the hay was 
cut down, and the rain come and spoiled it 
all. There's where $2 worth of poor whiskey 
ruined $200 worth of good timothy hay. Taxes, 
eh? Well, I guess that 'ud a paid taxes on his 
field fer twenty years ! 



26 W9EN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

Tobe. (Laughing.) Ain't that the truth? 

Josh. And that team of bay hosses o' Jim 
Scott's. He got drunk, too, and run his team 
off the abutment o' the Turtlecreek Bridge, 
killed both hosses and broke his arm besides. 
I offered him $400 fer the team jes' the day 
before, and breakin' his arm knocked him out 
o' anyway, $100 besides. 

Tobe. Do you believe that, Shifty? Walk 
over with me to Jim's. He'll tell you the same 
thing. 

Josh. I ain't no scholar, Shifty. But for the 
$4,000 that the saloons pay to this county we 
lose in crops, stock, damage and labor a hun- 
dred times that much ! Yes, more than that ! 
You can figur' it up ; for every part of the 
county hez jest these same kind o' losses from 
booze. And besides there's the cussedness o' 
drunkards to their wives and children. Talk 
about savin' taxes ! 

Goat. T-a-a-a-x-e-s! T-a-a-a-x-e-s ! (Goat 
may be left behind scenes this time, if pre- 
ferred.) (Laughter.) 

Josh. Even the goat knows the saloons don't 
save any taxes. 

Hans. Yah, even a calf with wabbled-legs 
knows petter dan dot! (Laughter.) 

Mike. But I don't believe in anybody a-tell- 
in' me what I shall eat and drink. 

Hardin. But, Mike, when what you eat and 
drink might cause the injury of another, should 
you drink it? 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. . 27 

Mike. I takes a drink when I feels like it. 
But I never make no hog o' myself. (Laugh- 
ter.) 

Hardin. Many a man, Mike, has thought so 
before, and yet liquor has got the best of them. 
They were too wise to let it alone. Just as 
men are too wise to keep their hands away 
from the buzz saw or out of the corn shredder. 

Hans. Dot's right ! Dey vants to act some 
schmart, ain't it ? 

Hardin. It is too late to save your fingers 
after your arm is torn off. And so it is too 
late to overcome a habit after it has overcome 
you. 

Mike. It'll never git the best o' me. I kin 
stop whenever I want to. I takes a drink now 
and then ; but I never makes a hog o' myself ! 
(Laughter.) 

Hans. No, you vas too leedel. You shust 
makes von shoat mit yourself. 

Pete. Aw, sauerkraut, keep out o' this when 
gints is discussin' things! (Looks timidly at 
Zeph. Battle as though fearing the crutch 
again.) 

Shifty. But you know that voting a county 
dry always kills business. 

Hans. Yah, it kills the coroner's pizness. 
Not so much drunk men killed for him to go 
see vat drubble killed 'im so k-vick. Ain't it, 
Shifty? Helps pizness, skunks! 

Hardin. No, I think it does not help busi- 
ness. Less than 5% of the money now spent 



28 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

at the saloon now comes back to the producer 
of the corn, rye, apples, hops that the liquor 
is made of and more than 95% goes to the 
brewers, distillers and saloon keepers. But 
when we close the saloons most of this money 
will be paid out for shoes, milk, clothes, books, 
and other useful articles. Men can then buy 
and pay cash who used to ask for credit; and 
this makes business. 

Pete. But the fellers goes to other towns to 
spend their money for liquor. 

Hans. So much de petter f er de town ; and 
better still if dey would move out and schtay 
out. 

Shifty. Well, what right has the farmer to 
vote our towns dry? 

Hardin. Don't the saloons turn their drunks 
out on our country roads every Saturday night, 
to drive like mad and run into people? Didn't 
drunken Abe Allen run into Sadie Brown on 
the road and kill her after he got drunk in 
town? 

Hans. Do the saloon-keepus owm der roads? 

Hardin. Haven't the farmers a right to pro- 
tect their children against drunken drivers by 
voting the town dry so as to make the country 
roads safe? 

Josh Williams. And after they get drunk in 
town Saturday night what good are the young 
fellers to work on the farm Monday morning? 
Not any, sleepy, and complainin' and grouchy. 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 29 

I've lost many a Monday's — and Tuesday's 
work, too, by sich foolishness. 

Shifty. But you will have to admit that the 
saloon puts money in circulation. 

Hans. So does de schmall-pox put him in 
circulation ! You have to pay de doctor, de 
nurse, de man vat sells de schmoke stuff vat 
fumbledegates de house to disimfect him — and 
den — maybe — you hafs to pay de undertaker 
already, too. De schmall-pox circulates your 
money. Did you vant to haf dot schmall-pox 
already to circulate de moneys? I don't, by 
shiminy gracious ! 

Zeph. So did the War put money to circu- 
lation? But in gittin' money circulatin' it 
stopped the circulatin' of some of the best blood 
in the country. My, how I've seen the boys 
bleed on the battle field! No more sich circu- 
latin' fer me! 

Shifty. But it don't do any good to vote a 
county or town dry. There's more liquor drunk 
under prohibition than under license. 

Hardin. Surely, Mr. Shifty, you are not in 
earnest! That is really a huge joke! If that 
i-s so, why then are liquor men always so anx- 
ious to defeat prohibition and county option? 
If it didn't lessen the amount of liquor sold by 
them do you think they would oppose it? 

Hans. Course dey vouldn't; Schifty, vot 
makes you talk so foolish as dot? 

Zeph. to Tobe. What d'ye think of his ar- 
gufyin', Tobe? Pretty hot shot, ain't it? 



30 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 



/ 



Shifty. Of course, I don't believe myself 
that the saloon ought to be out in the country 
where the police can't regulate it. But nobody 
ought to stop it being in the town. 

Hardin. What difference does that make? 
The leader of your party, Wm. Jennings Bryan, 
says : "The saloon is a nuisance. The evil 
can no more be confined to the building in 
which it exists than the odor of a slaughter- 
house to the block in which it is located. I 
know and you know that they are in league 
with every other form of evil in society. As a 
rule, if you let the liquor dealer have his way, 
he will have a disorderly house upstairs, he 
will have a gambling den in his back room and 
his place will become the center of every sort 
of evil." 

Zeph. That's right, Josh. Everybody knows 
it's so. 

Hardin. That's even so. And more ; the sa- 
loon is the bureau of information for every sort 
of crime, the distributing center for all kinds of 
low literature. The policeman always goes to 
the saloon first to look for crime, but he never 
goes there to look for decency and virtue. 
Would you want one next your home, Mr. 
Shifty? 

Hans. Dot's right ! Dot's right ! Vould 
you vant a glue factory or von ob dem fertiliz' 
plants nextside your house? Dot saloon is 
vorse. Vat more you vant — the deffil himself 
nextside you? 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 31 

Shifty. Well, pedagogue, you repeat what 
the women have told you pretty well. But I 
wouldn't be tied to any woman's apron string. 

Hardin. And, as I said before, I won't be 
tied to a saloon keeper's beer-pump. Now I 
want to tell you something. Paw-Paw County 
is going to vote on the saloon question in thirty 
days and when she does "Old Paw-Paw" is 
going dry ! 

Zeph. (Getting excited.) Hot zickety! I 
kind o' think she will myself. 

Shifty. (All the wets join in jeers and rid- 
iculing laugh.) What'll you bet? (Displays 
bills.) 

Hans. Vat, Schifty, been playin' de ponies 
again already? 

Shifty. I'll leave it to Josh. Ain't it going 
wet, Josh? 

Josh. "I ain't a-sayin' a word, boys; I ain't 
a-sayin' a word." (Aside.) But I may say 
somepin' after she goes dry. 

Shifty. I'll bet you. Money is what talks. 

Hardin. I don't bet. But public opinion is 
changing very rapidly on this saloon question. 
People are beginning to see that the only per- 
sons who are benefited by saloons are those who 
are interested in the business. 

Shifty. How ridiculous ! You don't know. 

Hardin. Well, you'll see it. There is noth- 
ing in these liquor arguments but an attempt to 
pull the wool over people's eyes. The saloon 
is a crafty enemy. It works upon the joviality 



32 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

and weakness of men, and cares little how 
much it injures them. 

(Enter Mrs. Morgan, Julia and Ralph at L. 
Mrs. Morgan's arm about Ralph fondly.) 

Mrs. Morgan. Mike, your boy Ralph recited 
a poem to us the other day that was fine. Do 
you care if he recites it here? 

Mike (hesitating). All right, Ralph, go 
ahead. I ain't a-carin'. (After Ralph begins 
he looks on proudly.) 

Mrs. Morgan. The poem is called "The 
Story/' 

Ralph recites: 

Only the lure of a bar room; 

"A drink ! Just a social glass !" 
"Another !" and yet another ; 
Gaily the moments pass. 

Only a habit fastened, 

Deep-rooted beyond control; 

Only a blasted manhood; 
Blight of a youthful soul. 

Only reverses of fortune; 

A revel to drown his woe; 
Onlv a look within him : 

"What, have I fallen so low!" 
Only remorse of conscience; 

Despair that tastes of hell ; 
Driftwood for maudlin currents 

To bear him along at will. 

Only a staggering drunkard, 

Now careless what the end. 
Reels into Death's cold clutches — 

Abandoned! Without a friend! 
Only a shortened service 

Recounts an aimless strife. 
See what our liquor brings us — 

Only a wasted life ! 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 



33 



(Applause.) 

Mrs. Morgan. Fine, Ralph, fine! (Mike 
shows he is pleased at Ralph's effort.) Yes, 
that is what it comes to exactly. "Only a 
wasted life!" But then, think, too, of the dis- 
tressed life of the drunkard's family! 

Hardin. That's it exactly! The misery it 
causes. We may talk of the saloon saving 
taxes, making business, and all such misstate- 
ments ; but if these statements were all true— 
and they are far from it — I would still be 
against them. For there is only one question 
for a man to answer in all this discussion and 
that is, "Do saloons do more harm to our 
fellowmen than no saloons?" If they do more 
harm than no saloons, then it is our duty to 
vote them out. 

Mrs. Morgan. Who can vote for the saloons 
when they cause so much trouble? When you 
go intu the home of the drunkard's family and 
see the pleading, sunken eyes of his wife and 
the sad longing in the faces of his children? 
When you think of the hours of anguish they 
spend waiting for him to return from the 
saloon, and know that even then instead of 
kindness he may bring home only blows and 
curses? Who has not seen the mother sing- 
ing her fretful child to sleep with loving lulla- 
bies, her nerves all the while unstrung with 
care and overwork and her mother's heart 
slowly breaking at the thought of the suffering, 
the neglect and the disgrace of her poor chil- 



34 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

dren? Can a man vote to keep up such misery 
as this and still call himself a man? 

(Cheers from the "drys." Men, except Har- 
din, exeunt at R. Mrs. Morgan and Julia at L.) 

Hardin. Well, well, after all, it takes the 
sympathetic touch of a woman to picture the 
sentimental side of this liquor question. But 
here comes Tobe. 

(Enter Tobe at R. "spruced up.") 

Tobe. (Hurrying over to Hardin.) Say, 
Hardin, wasn't that the widow Morgan talkin' ? 

Hardin. Indeed it was. But bless us all, 
Tobe ! "Solomon in all his glory was not ar- 
rayed like one of these!" (Looking at Tobe's 
clothes.) 

Tobe. Now, Hardin, don't go makin* fun 
jf a feller what ain't used to "sprucin' up" much 
these days. 

Hardin. But Tobe, where did you get that 
fancy white vest? 

Tobe. That was handed down from my 
grandfather, Col. Pendle, of Old Va. 

Hardin. And the fob chain? 

Tobe. From the same ancestor. 

Hardin. And those trouserings? (takes hold 
of them; pulls them out wide) — those breech- 
elettes ? 

Tobe. Same. (Both laughing.) You see he 
was quite a swell in his day. But he lost all 
he had at cards and drink; and none of the 
rest of us has ever swelled much since. So I 
thought his swell clothes 'ud have to do me. 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 35 

Hardin. Why, man are you going to a dress 
ball? 

Tobe. Nope, but I'm goin' to start the ball 
a-rollin' tho' with the Widow Morgan. 

Hardin. Well, you look like a blue jay in the 
mating season. 

Tobe. I ain't no bluejay; but if I don't get 
a mate soon it won't be my fault. (Looks slyly 
about.) But don't you tell anybody that. Hot 
zickety ! Widow Morgan invited "Mr. Tobias 
Harris" to supper, did she? (Tobe swells up 
proudly.) 

(Enter Hans, laughing uproariously, at L.) 

Hans. Och, but dot vas funny ! Och, Och, 
but dot vas very funny, shure ! 

Hardin. Why, Hans, what amuses you so 
much ? 

Hans. Mine shimminy gracious, but dot vas 
funny ! de dog tore de breechin' off dot tramp 
preety near already ; and de poy a tryin' to 
make him schtop ! My, but dot vas a shmart 
poy ! He's trained dot dog to follow the schmell 
of a dramp. He follows de schmell of anything 
de poy says so. 

Tobe. What's the matter, Hans? 

Hans. (Laughing.) Och, ah, ah, Veil, a 
dramp coom fer somtings to eat at mine porch. 
Mine vipe she give him it ; den she missed some 
clodings off the clods line, and she say "dot 
tramp, he took 'em avay." Shaniey and his 
dog was dere und Shamey put dot dog's nose 
to de dramps steps und told him "get dot 



36 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

tramp;" Den dey vent tru the barn-yard, tru 
the cornfield, out to de hay cock and dere 
sleepin' under nodings but flies vas dot dramp. 
Dot dramp he got right up already and he 
runned fer de road ven he heard Shamey 
comin' mit de dog, mine vipe's towels hangin' 
out o' his pocket. But dot dog (Och, Och, 
Och; but it vas funny), dot dog he got him 
on de road and he chewed his breechin' up in 
strips. Ven I come up to him I says, "Veil, 
did dot dog bite you?" And dot dramp he 
said, "No, he didn't bite me; but he tore my 
breechin all up, and the clodings off om me." 
Den I said to de tramp, "Och, veil ; he vas 
shust von pup yet already; he vill do better 
next time." Och, och, but it vas funny, funny ! 
Dot vas a schmart dog to schmell out a dramp 
dot vay! 

Hardin (laughing). Jamie is a smart boy. 

Tobe (laughing). "He vill do petter next 
time." Hans, you're a good one ! 

(Exeunt, all laughing, at R.) 

Scene 2. — Mrs. Morgan's yard and house. 
Evening. Julia dressed for housework, with 
apron, etc. 

(Enter Mrs. Morgan and Julia at porch. 
Mrs. M. dressed for milking cows.) 

Mrs. M. Well, Julia, I'll go milk while you 
get supper. The men'll be here bye and bye, 
and we'll hitch up and go to the meeting. That 
young man Hardin is a bright and good fellow; 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 37 

but don't be afraid to talk to him, Julia. All 
women have the advantage of men in talking, 
you know. (Exit.) 

Julia. Ah, me ! But how well Mr. Hardin 
argued that question ! So fair, so kind, and 
gentlemanly ; yet so firm and determined ! I 
fear I ought not to see much of him. (Sighs.) 
But here they come. (Enter Hardin and 
Tobe.) Good evening, Mr. Hardin; how do 
you do, Mr. Harris? Come up on the porch. 
Have chairs. (Hardin walks up on porch while 
Tobe looks confusedly about for Mrs. Mor- 
gan.) 

Tobe. Well, er, Miss Julie, where's the 
Widder — Mo — er where's Mrs. Morgan? 

Julia. She's out in the lane milking, Mr. 
Harris. 

Tobe. Well, I guess I'll go out and help her. 
(Aside.) I kind o' hate to git my grandpap's 
breeches and white vest mussed up, too. 

Hardin. (Calling after Tobe.) Be careful, 
Tobe, about those clothes of yours ! 

Tobe. Never you mind, Hardin, that vest'll 
wash; and the bree — the rest of 'em '11 clean. 

(Exit Tobe at L.) 

Julia. Here's a book, Mr. Hardin, while I 
get supper. Are you fond of poems? 

Hardin. Yes, I read them quite often. 

Julia. Excuse me a few minutes. (Exit into 
house at R.) 

Hardin. (Examining book.) James Whit- 
comb Riley's "That Old Sweetheart of Mine"! 



38 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

I wonder if Julia is to become the "living pres- 
ence" that the poem speaks of? No telling. 
There's something about that girl that sends a 
thrill clear through me now and then. And 
how she stirs things around there in that dining- 
room and kitchen ! There's a home-maker ! 
But here comes Tobe and the widow. I'll get 
into my book. 

(Enter Tobe and Mrs. Morgan. Tobe car- 
ries pail.) 

Tobe. Pretty fine Plymouth Rock chickens 
you have, Mrs. Morgan ! 

Mrs. M. Yes, we like them. If you will 
come over some time, Mr. Harris, I will give 
you a setting of eggs. 

Tobe. Obleeged to you, Mrs. Morgan, I'll 
come. 

Tobe. Do you always do the milking, Mrs. 
Morgan ? 

Mrs. M. Yes, except when Julia helps. 
Hired help is so scarce and uncertain. It 
isn't like the help in one's own family. They 
take no interest. 

Tobe. No; that's true. Hired help seldom 
tends to things as you would do it yourself. 
They won't milk the cows — dry — er — er — do 
anything right, will they? (Aside.) I won- 
der if she'd like to get a first-rate hand to join 
her own family? Wouldn't I feel up in the 
world then, though? (Goat butts Tobe, send- 
ing him up in the air. He falls forward and 
picks himself up. Milk pail spilt.) Goat 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 



39 



bleats, "T-a-x-e-s!") Well, I reckon I felt up 
in the world then, anyway! But it didn t 
hurt— er— ( feels his hip)— er— not much. 

Julia. Why, did that miserable goat, Billy, 
iump the fence? No, I believe you men left 
the gate open. So, you see, Mr. Harris, the 
goat rewarded you for your negligence. 

(Laughing.) r 

Tote. I wouldn't call it a reward, Miss Julie. 

(Feels his hip.) 

Julia, But I hope he didn't hurt you se- 
riously. Well, supper's ready ! All walk in to 
supper. 

(All exeunt at R.) 

Scene 3.— Scene at "Cropper's Corners"— 
street or roadway. A day intervenes between 
this scene and the last one. 

(Enter Tim, Mike and Pete at R.) 

Tim. They tell me she had another o' them 
temp'rance rallies over at Red Rock School 
House last night, and the softy Hardin and her 
made big speeches agm saloons and bused us 
Tellers; W even Tobe Harris shot it into us 
about saloons. I'll git him next. They won t 
be so lippy after to-night. I'll teach these yap 
farmers to mind their own business and not 
meddle with town affairs. But how about the 
burnin', Mike? . . , 

Mike. No; I ain't a-goin' ter do it. 1 am t 
tuk a drink fer two days, and I ve got a 
feelin' agin burnin' her out myself, but 1 



40 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

won't tell nothin' I know if anybody else 
does it. 

Pete. The coward ! He said he would if 
I would. 

Tim. Well, Pete, you and me'll go and light 
up her barn, anyway ; and we'll stop her 
shootin' ofl her mouth about temp'rance fer a 
while. 

Pete. Now, uh, ah, Tim, I've got ter git 
them things I left at Barney's. I couldn't help 
to-night. I — ah — ah — got ter git 'em right 
away. 

Tim. Aw, both o' youse fellers af eard ! Give 
me the ile and waste. I'll show youse fellers 
who's got the nerve ! Now youse fellers hez 
swore never to peach? 

Pete. Not us. 

Mike. You know we never blow on our 
friends and what they's done. 

Pete. Here's somebody a-comin'. We must 
vamoose ! 

(Exeunt at R.) 

Scene 4. — Night. Mrs. Morgan's yard in 
front of house. Settee in yard. 

(Enter Mrs. M. and Julia.) 

Mrs. M. Well, Julia the votes are all in 
now, the polls are closed, and the ballots are 
being counted. What a hush and strain there 
seems to be in the very air, as though the 
anxiety of the people were charging the very 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 



41 



atmosphere. I can hardly wait to hear the 
result. But I presume we'll know by morning. 
Julia. I have been feeling the same way, 
Aunt Amanda. But I guess we need not 
worry. Don't you feel sure that it will go 

dry? 

Mrs. M. We can never tell. I hope so. 
(They go into the house.) 

(Enter Tobe, "spruced up.") 

Tobe. (Looking about.) She said, the night 
of the speechifyin', "Come over some time, Mr. 
Harris, and make a neighborly call." Well, I'm 
here the very next night fer to git that settin* 
o' eggs. But I ain't got sand enough to rap 
on the door. Brace up, "Tobias;" somepin's 
got ter be done! (Raps.) 
' Mrs. Morgan (at door). Good evening, Mr. 
Harris. Come in. 

Tobe. No. Thank'ee. I jes' come over to 
git that — settin' — o' eggs. 

Mrs. Morgan. Just be seated here then 
(points to settee in yard), Mr. Harris; I'll 
have Julia get them. She's the poultry woman. 
(Smiles, knowingly.) If he only knew how 
well women can read him. The lonely old 
bachelor! (Goes out and quickly returns.) 
Julia will get them. (Tobe appears somewhat 
embarrassed; but recovers himself. Widow 
smiles aside.) 

(A sharp sound is heard behind Tobe. He 
jumps and turns about.) 

Mrs. M. What is the matter, Mr. Harris? 



4Z WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

Tobe. Why, Mrs. Morgan, I was a-thinkin' 
it might be that tarnation Billy goat o' yourn 
again. 

(Mrs. Morgan laughs.) 

Mrs. Morgan. Oh, no; it was the gate slam- 
ming. 

Tobe. Well, do you — keep — him penned up 
safe o' nights? (Feels his hip where the goat 
hit him before.) 

Mrs. M. Oh, yes, he's in the back lot now. 
Billy's not very active in the night time. Come 
sit down, Mr. Harris. 

(Mrs. M. sits down.) 

Tobe. (Still rubbing his hip.) But he's ac- 
tive enough in daytime to make up fer it, Mrs. 
Morgan. (Tobe sits down awkwardly beside 
he'f.) 

Mrs. Morgan. What a beautiful night, Mr. 
Harris. 

Tobe. Yes, I was a thinking' as I walked 
through the meader it was the beautiful-est 
night — I had seen — fer a long time. Who's 
going to help you with your hay, Mrs. Morgan? 
(Trots his crossed legs awkwardly.) 

Mrs. Morgan. I really don't know. Good 
help is so scarce. I may have to lose part of 
it unless my neighbors lend a hand. 

Tobe. Well, I'll help. I have no hay this 
summer and I can get another hand, too. 

Mrs. Morgan. You are very kind; but I 
don't like to impose upon you. 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 43 

Tobe. No imposin' at all, Mrs. Morgan. I'll 
be glad to do it. But wasn't that a great 
temperance parade ! And everybody says you 
was the cause of it. 

Mrs. Morgan. How kind of them. We did 
try to get the children to make a good pro- 
cession. 

Tobe. And it's all due to your workin' it up, 
too. 

Mrs. Morgan. You are so kind, Mr. Harris. 
It is pleasant to have our efforts appreciated 
by our friends. (Smiles on Tobe. Tobe gets 
restless and moves up closer.) 

Tobe. Yep, I appreciate 'em. (Swings his 
crossed leg.) You and Julia looked so nice, 
too, Mrs. Morgan. 

Mrs. Morgan. Why, Mr. Harris, you are too 
complimentary, I fear. 

Tobe. What are you a feard of? Not of 
me, are you? 

Mrs. Morgan. Oh, no ; I mean you are so 
very kind to say so, Mr. Harris. 

Tobe. Oh, can't you call me Tobe? 

Mrs. Morgan. But our relations have not 
been close enough for that — yet, Mr. Harris. 
(Smiles encouragingly.) 

Tobe. W'ell, then I can git closer if — you'll 
call — it to me. (Moves up closer with some 
hesitation. Widow smiles encouragingly.) And 
— Mrs. Morgan, you wuz a-sayin' that hired 
help don't take the interest that members of 
the family does'. 'Bout that hay, won't you let 



44 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

me put it up as a member of the family? And 
milk the cows — and — er — Oh, won't you marry 
me, Amandy ? 

(Enter Julia behind the settee with basket.) 

Julia. Here's your setting of eggs, Mr. Har- 
ris. 

(Mrs. M. and Tobe rise surprised and sep- 
arate. Tobe looks a little sheepish and walks 
to front of stage.) 

Tobe. (Aside.) Darn that settin' o' eggs. I 
didn't want the hatchin' things, nohow. I ain't 
got a settin' hen on the place. 

Julia. Oh, pardon me for intruding. (Smiles 
and looks knowingly at them.) 

Tobe. Thank 'ee, Miss Julie, fer — the — eggs. 
Wal, I 'spect I'll have to be a goin' to set the 
old hen, now. 

Julia (playfully). What, at night time, Mr. 
Harris? (Smiles. Exit.) 

Mrs. Morgan. Oh, don't go, Mr. Harris. 
Your conversation was getting so interesting. 
(Smiles encouragement at Tobe. Sits down 
again on settee. Tobe sheepishly joins her.) 
You were saying something about the hay har- 
vest and the cows, I believe, Mr. Harris. 

Tobe. That didn't have much to do with 
it. (Widow smiles coyly. Tobe braces up and 
slides over close to her.) What I wanted to 
know was, "Will you marry me?" (Puts his 
arm around her.) 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 45 

Mrs. M. Yes, Tobe. And may I take care 
of that swell white vest your grandfather left 
you? 

Tobe. (Kisses her.) Yes, and all my other 
worldly goods, Mandy. 

(Curtain.) 

Scene 5. — Living room of Josh Williams' 
house. A rocker near the window. Night. 

Josh Williams. (Enters half dressed with 
one suspender hanging loose ; in stocking feet. 
Stumbles against rocker.) Gorsh blame them 
cheers ! And ouch, my corns ! Confound the 
dog a-barkin' anyhow! (Goes to window and 
looks out.) Sarah! Sarah Ann! Come here, 
quick ! Widder Morgan's barn's on fire ! Come 
here, quick! 

(Sarah replies sleepily and then comes to 
join him at window.) 

Sarah. Oh, mercy me ! Who could have 
done so mean a thing? Some of the liquor 
men, I know. 

Josh. I kind o' thought she'd better not talk 
so much agin saloons. 

Sarah. "Talk agin saloons" indeed. If they 
wasn't some good women to talk agin saloons, 
we'd never get rid o' them. Blessed little you 
men 'ud ever do agin 'em. But to think o' 
burnin' a widder's barn, and she alone and 
helpless. 

Josh. But what's that a-runnin' along the 
fence toward the barn? 

Sarah. Where ? 



46 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

Josh (pointing). Right over there. See it? 
Why, it's Jamie and his dog pullin' like mad at 
Jamie's strap. That's what the dog's been 
a-barkin' at — the fire. And Jamie got down 
to him and started over there before I got to 
the window. 

Sarah. That's — a — fact — ye-es it is. The 
boy's goin' over to get a scent. Josh, run after 
him. Get over there quick. 

Josh. Look, the boy's found somethin' at 
the tree next the barn. 

Sarah. And he's lettin' the dog smell of it. 
There he goes. See how old "Anti" pulls at 
his strap — there — down the lane. Get your 
shoes on and go over. there quick and help him. 
Call Hardin as you go. Oh, mercy me; what 
will all this come to ? Just to think o' burnin' 
out a poor defenseless woman that's lost her 
husband through drink, and can't even try to 
save other men and women from suffering and 
pain without having her property destroyed ! 
(Josh returns and exits.) (After a pause.) 
There go Josh and Hardin ! I never saw Josh 
run so since he got the rheumatiz. See him 
git over that rail fence ! Now they're caught 
up with Jamie; and the dog pullin' at the 
strap as if it was mad ! How bright the fire 
makes everything! I can see as if it was day. 
There they run toward the pond and onto the 
bridge, and oh, they are turning down the road 
straight for Tim Sullivan's. I wonder if he 
did it? Oh, oh, oh, the dog leaps aginst his 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 47 

gate and there — yes, now the men rush into 
his yard. Oh, I hope he won't shoot them. 
Now they are at his door — and all go in. O, 
I have no doubt that wretch did set the barn 
on fire. Gracious me,, how sorry I feel for the 
Widow Morgan ! 

(Curtain.) 

Scene 6. — Early next morning. Scene: 
"Croppers Corners." Roadway or street. 

(Enter Tobe at R. and Hardin at L.) 

Tobe. Good morning, Hardin. 

Hardin. How are you, Tobe? 

Tobe. Well, Hardin, I wish the fire last 
night had started while I was there. I was 
over to the Widow's till eight o'clock; but Tim 
must a set it on fire after that time. But tell 
me, how did you get wind of it so soon after 
it started? 

Hardin. Jamie Williams, it seems, heard his 
dog — that he calls "Anti-Saloon" barking, and 
got up out of bed to see what was the matter 
with him. When he got out in the yard there 
was "Anti" barking like mad and looking to- 
ward the fire, running toward the fence and 
back to the door to arouse his young master. 

Tobe. How lucky ! 

Hardin. Yes. And the boy half dressed put 
the collar and leash on the dog and started 
toward the burning building. Soon afterwards 
Josh went to the window and saw the fire and 
came after me. The boy and dog were on the 



48 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

scent when we started. We could see them 
plain as day by the light of the fire. We ran 
as we haven't run for years and overtook the 
boy in front of Tim's house. But here they 
come now. (Enter Josh, Jamie and dog at R.) 
How did you give "Anti" the scent, Jamie? 

Jamie. They was some fresh waste that 
smelled o' coal oil down beside the elm tree 
next the bar, and fresh shoe prints around it. 
I give "Anti" the scent, and gee whiz! how he 
pulled on that strap! Look at my hands. 
They's all blistered, holdin' him! 

Tobe. (Looking at Jamie's hands.) They 
are f er a fact ! 

Hardin. Well, he must have pulled hard! 
(Looks at hands.) 

Jamie (continuing). He tuk me through the 
old brick yard, the hog lot that's full o' burrs, 
and down the lane straight to Tim's house. 
And I was a-gettin' sceert; fer I didn't know 
what next to do, when just then pop and you 
comes up. Then you saw "Anti" jumpin' up 
on Tim's door. 

Hardin. Yes, he jumped up against the sa- 
loon keeper's door as though to batter it in. 
Josh and I went right in, although we knew 
it was dangerous to do so. Tim was in bed 
with his boots and clothes on, burrs on his 
clothes, and tracks of the red brick clay lay 
on the floor and some yet on his boots; and his 
hands and clothes smelled of coal oil. We 
collared him. Soon there was a crowd around 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 49 

and the officer took him. The pen will hold 
him for a while ; and there will be at least one 
fire-bug less, to worry about in 'Taw-Paw 
County." 

Tobe. My, but that was lucky! Three 
cheers for Jamie and the dog! (Tobe and 
Hardin come to front of stage.) 

Tobe. But say, Hardin, how about Julie ! 
Hardin. (Laughing.) I put a question to 
her last night that made that maiden blush — 
made her a "Maiden Blush," in fact, and she 
said "Yes." 

Tobe. Shake, boy; and I put the same ques- 
tion to the widder, Amanda Morgan, and made 
her a "Widder Blursh ;" and she said "Yes, 
Tobe." Whoopee! Watch me walk on air! 

Hardin. I thought you said she was a 
"Pippin?" 

Tobe. I did; she's both! She's the whole 
apple orchard! 

(Enter Mrs. Morgan, Julia, Mrs. Williams 
and crowd cheering.) 

Mrs. Morgan. "Hurrah, hurrah, the county's 
dry at last !" 

Mrs. Williams. By 139 votes! No more 
saloons ! 

Another Voice. Whoopee, hurrah, hurrah, 
no more booze in Old Paw-Paw ! 

Voice. Too good to be true! Dry by a 
good majority ! 

(All get excited, shake hands, some stroke 
others on the back, etc.) 



50 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

Tobe. Well, Josh, you've always been sayin' 
whenever the wets 'ud ask you which way it 
was going: "I ain't a-sayin' a word, boys, I 
ain't a-sayin' a word." What are you sayin' 
now? 

Josh Williams. Still sayin' the same thing; 
and, Tobe, since I thought it was a-goin' dry I 
wrote out a poem about it and called the poem 
"I Aint a Sayin' a Word, Boys, I Aint a Sayin' a 
Word." I was a-goin' to read it to the fellers 
what's been braggin' it would surely go wet. 

Several. Oh, Josh, writ a powm ! Let's hear 
it ! recite it ! 

Josh (recites poem) — "I Ain't a Sayin' a 
Word, Boys, I Ain't a Sayin' a Word" : 

"AFTER THE COUNT." 

(A number of these stanzas may be omitted, 
if desired.) 

I ain't a-sayin' a word, boys, I ain't a-sayin' a word, 
About its goin' dry, boys, tho all o' you hez heard. 
You said 'twuz goin' wet, boys, and a while I thought 

it might; 
But I hadn't been around, boys, nur seen much o' the 

fight. 

You said 'twould be a shame, boys, to close the grog 

shops up ; 
There'd be no place to git mixed drinks that sparkle in 

the cup. 
Perhaps; but then I said, boys — tho He's no mixer's 

tool, 
That who invented water wasn't anybody's fool. 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 51 



You said you had 'em fixed, boys, four hundred had 

sold out, 
The county would go wet, boys, and wet without a 

doubt. 
That kind o' made me sad, boys, this sellin' votes to 

rum ; 
For why might they not sell, boys, their country and 

their home? 

I druv out home a thinkin' : Are there some who never 

care 
Fur the pleas o' helpless children, nur the widers' 

humble prayer ? 
I kept a puzzlin' on it till my feelin's grew intense ; 
And I thought 'twas time we'd better be a slidin' off 

the fence. 

We argied 'bout the taxes, and we warmed up good and 

hot; 
But all at last concluded 'twas only tommyrot; 
That if it was a fact, boys — not only campaign noise — 
Instid o' savin' taxes we'd better save our boys. 

We talked o' Personal Liberty ; how each one had a 

right 
To eat and drink what he might please, and have it 

day or night. 
But has he any right, boys, to craze his reckless brain, 
And stagger out to cause, boys, another's death or 

pain? 

"The farmer; had he any right to meddle with the 

town? 
Saloons don't boss our business ; so let saloons alone." 
But haven't you seen 'em crowd, boys, their "drunks'* 

upon our roads, 
A spewin' and a cussin' and a layin' on the goads? 



52 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

No, boys, there's nothin' in it — no reason fur saloons; 
No more than fur two fifth-wheels, ur forty midday 

moons. 
The world is dead agin 'em, and begosh they've got 

to go; 
Mankind is movin' up'ards, and his movin' ain't so 

slow. 

So, when the polls wuz closed, boys, and all the votes 

wuz in, 
I couldn't hardly stand it, till I know'd which side 'ud 

win. 
I kind a felt the tension that seemed strainin' in the air, 
O' people's heartstrings tightenin' and a stretchin' 

everwhere. 

And when I heerd 'twas "dry," boys, I felt too good to 

shout ; 
My heart grew loud and full, boys — the load was lifted 

out. 
I know'd that nobler manhood hed riz up to the cause, 
And truth agin hed triumphed to jestify His laws. 

This ain't no idle joke, boys, nur tryin' to rub it in. 
If I kin help you fellers, jes' show me where't begin. 
I know'd you'd all be with us if you only seen it right ; 
And I want to feel your shoulders in the next big 
moral fight. 

Mrs. Morgan (clapping her hands.) Good! 
That's it exactly ! Let's not try to "rub it in." 
I've lost my barn to be sure; but the insurance 
will repay for that. And while I have lost 
otherwise heavily by the fire I do not harbor 
any resentment. Let us help out those who 
may be thrown out of employment by this 
election — the saloon keeper and the bartender, 
and the rest. I am very happy over the elec- 



WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 53 

tion and happier because of other incidents con- 
nected with it. (Smiles at Tobe.) 

Tobe. Well, I guess no one's happier than 
I am; for Amanda Morgan has promised to 
become "Mrs. Tobias Harris" (straightens him- 
self up proudly). And, Julie, your aunt is 
goin' to set all my hens fer me herself. And 
I'm goin' to tend to her cows and — I'll — tend 
— to that — blamed — Billy goat o' hers, too! 
You bet your life. (Laughs.) 

Mrs. Morgan. And, Mr. Hardin, Tobe has 
entrusted to my care his white vest and the 
swell trousers his grandfather wore in old Va. 
(Hardin laughs.) 

Hardin. And to me it is a double victory ; 
for in working for a good cause I have learned 
to know and love the little woman who is to be- 
come my wife. Yes, people, I'm open to con- 
gratulations ; for Julia Stoneman is going to 
close the campaign by becoming Mrs. Hardin. 
(Takes Julia in his arms.) 

Julia. And I'm the happiest girl in the world, 
and the proudest to become Mrs. Hardin. 

Josh. Williams. And this ketchin' the fire- 
bug proves after all, Sarah, that you was right 
in interferin' for Jamie and lettin' him keep 
the dog. 

Sarah Williams. And it shows that Provi- 
dence was back of Jamie's kindness and affec- 
tion for the dog. Tim Sullivan's discovery 
seems to be a punishment for his brutality to 



54 WHEN PAW-PAW COUNTY WENT DRY. 

the poor thing. Verily, his chickens have come 
home to roost. 

Hardin. Yes, it seems so; but let's not crow 
too much over our victory. Let's all go back 
to our homes and await the next call to public 
duty; and when it comes I hope you will all 
respond as loyally and boldly as you have done 
in this campaign "When Paw-Paw County 
Went Dry." 

(Curtain.) 



SEP 21 1911 



— BY — 

EFFIE LOUISE KOOGLE. 

Author of "In Music-Land,'" "Kris Kringle 
Jingles," "The Colonial Song Novelties," etc. 



The songs of this composer are always 
more than singable ; they combine a quaint 
freshness, and a novel appropriateness that 
is un-isual. These new songs will be wel- 
comed because of their real merit and use- 
fulness. 



H Winter Eullaby. 

Surely a provoker of pleasant dreams. 
Beautiful lullabies are always popular, and 
this one will prove unusually so because of 
the happy combination of sensible words, 
appropriate for any singer, the soulful mu- 
sical setting, the effective expression, the 
dainty and fitting piano part, and the sooth- 
ing, fascinating melody. For adult singer, 
medium voice (d to e). 33 cents. 



Cittlc thanksgiving Workers. 

An action song for one or more little 
girls. Describes the preparation for the an- 
nual feast-day most effectively. A. pleasing 
melody which little singers will relish. 
Not difficult. Especially appropriate for 
Thanksgiving, but can be adapted to any 
Other day. 25 cents. 



thankful Bobby. 

A solo for a small boy. A delightful 
thanksgiving number. Expressive words, 
a tuneful melody with range suited to a 
small boy's voice, and an appropriate ac- 
companiment. Bobby gives good reasons 
for being- thankful — from a boy's view- 
point. 25 cents. 

MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers, 

Lebanon, Ohio. 



One copy del. to Cat. Div. 



/v^.. 



thT 



*1 191, 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




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